


static to the sound of you and i

by lookingforatardis



Series: static [1]
Category: Call Me By Your Name (2017) RPF
Genre: ?? - Freeform, Angst, Future Fic, Love Confessions, M/M, Miscommunication, POV Third Person, Pining, Unresolved Romantic Tension, except not REALLY but like it's there just read it youll understand what i mean by that, i guess?, listen every tag i give this is going to be Right and also Wrong so, thats usually a standard given
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-16
Updated: 2018-09-17
Packaged: 2019-06-28 02:19:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 10,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15698136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lookingforatardis/pseuds/lookingforatardis
Summary: Armie and Timmy are in NYC together when Timmy realizes that maybe no one actually ever told Armie that he had clearly developed feelings during the filming of cmbyn, and lets it slip. This is the fallout, set after the buzz of the film has died down at some undetermined point in the near future.





	1. and today was a day just like any other

**Author's Note:**

> AN EXPLANATION: okay so for whatever reason all I could listen to while writing a lot of this story was Jack's Mannequin i honestly don't know why okay but that's what happened and I accepted it long ago. Title is from Rescued, chapter titles from I'm Ready, the entire Everything In Transit album on repeat. I could give you detailed answers as to why these quotes/songs, but that's a lot of info for the Casual Reader lol

Timmy smiles at the waitress as she sets their food in front of them, thanking her as she walks away, Armie's eyes on him with a playful smirk. "What?" Timmy asks, shoving him under the table when he sees the look he's getting.

"Oh, nothing. It's just, do you want me to leave? I can give you guys some privacy—"

"Fuck you," Timmy laughs, running a hand through his hair. "She probably thinks we're gay anyway, that is if she doesn't know who we are in which case she's clearly not interested because she didn't even look at me," he says matter-of-factly.

"What do you mean? We don't look gay?"

"Armie, people think we're gay everywhere we go, accept it."

"You're joking, right?" he asks, eating a French fry.

"Nah, I mean, if they know who we are they probably don't. But like, it's New York. People see two guys together like this they just assume. It's not a big deal," he shrugs. "I mean they're not  _ completely _ wrong," he smirks, winking at Armie who just rolls his eyes.

"I forgot about that," Armie says, taking a bite of his burger.

"Forgot…that I'm not straight?" Timmy laughs, leaning forward with his elbows propped on the table.

"No, you idiot, not  _ that. _ I forgot how people see us, it's been awhile."

"Oh, yeah. I mean, it hasn't been  _ that _ long, I remember the way they'd talk about us," Timmy shrugs, eating some fries while eyeing Armie.

"You always paid more attention to it, I guess," Armie says, nodding.

"Well yeah," Timmy laughs. "Of course I did, they gave me more validation than you ever did," he says, wiping his hands on his napkin and taking a drink. "Even if it was bullshit, which I always knew it was because you didn't seem to care at all."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Armie asks, his face scrunched up. Timmy seemed unaffected by the conversation, further confusing Armie.

"Just that you never seemed to care because it didn't matter to you. It mattered to me though, so of course I paid attention."

"It mattered to me," Armie says, feigning offence.

"No, not like it mattered to me. And that's cool, it doesn't actually really matter anymore," Timmy says, smiling and shrugging, hoping Armie would listen to him. He reaches over to grab the ketchup from Armie and pours some on his plate.

"Wait, should I have cared more?" Armie asks, confused.

"No man, it's okay, really. I mean, I accepted it so long ago," Timmy shrugs.

"What do you mean?" Armie feels lost in their own conversation not for the first time today.

"You know…" Timmy looks at him, motions between them. "That it was different for you."

"I'm still not following," Armie shakes his head, laughing a little out of frustration.

"Well I was in love with you, you know that," Timmy says nonchalantly, reaching down for another fry.

"You— wait,  _ what _ ?"

"Yeah… I was completely in love with you." Timmy glances around the diner, letting his eyes wander until he realizes and looks back to Armie. "Wait did you really not know?" he asks with wide eyes.

"Well I mean…" Armie looks down.

"Ah,  _ see _ ? I knew you knew," Timmy says smugly, reaching for his burger.

"You were really in love though? I thought, you know maybe just like a crush or something," Armie wonders, leaning forward, his food forgotten.

"No no no," Timmy laughs. "No, I was in love with you," he says, sure and certain.

"Jesus," Armie mutters, looking away from him to process.

"Yeah." Timmy grabs his burger and takes a bite, chews, swallows, the silence festering between them. "Anyway—"

"No wait, we're not done," Armie interrupts.

Timmy's brows lift. "Oh really?" he smirks.

"Why?" Armie's voice is tense and quiet as if they were being watched which, to be fair, they might be.

"Why was I in love? That's a joke right, you're trying to be funny?" Timmy asks, dunking a fry in ketchup and eating it without breaking eye contact.

"Timmy," Armie says, a bit exasperated. “You can’t just spring this on me like this, I’m trying to understand—”

"Well I mean look at you," Timmy says, smirking and wagging his eyebrows.

"Come on man—"

"Alright alright. I don’t know, you're hilarious and kind and you're probably one of the most interesting people I've ever met and you challenge me…" He shrugs and returns to his plate.

"But you're not anymore?" Timmy sighs and shakes his head a little, looking up and slumping his shoulders a bit before sitting normally. 

"Well you made it kind of hard to be in love with you," he laughs, looking back at him. "I mean I got nothing in return, man. It was inevitable."

"Well, I didn't know," Armie says, as if it meant something. Timmy nods.

"And would it have changed anything if you had known?" Timmy asks, a bit dubious. "Listen, it's alright. It's in the past now— it's really fine."

"Right…" Armie's eyes wander.

"Armie?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm good. That's just throwing me off," he laughs awkwardly, grabbing a fry and eating it. Timmy watches him carefully, his eyes catching on the way Armie shifts in his seat uncomfortably.

"You really didn't know?"

"No," he shakes his head.

"God, I thought everyone knew. I literally stole your clothes every time we saw each other, I said it all the time— you're oblivious," Timmy's voice gets caught in an almost breathless rush to say it all, a small laugh bubbling to the surface at the absurdity of their conversation. "Which, by the way, that navy shirt you were looking for is in my dresser but you can't have it."

" _ Timmy _ —"

"It's fucking soft, dude. It's mine now."

"And you say you're not in love with me anymore," Armie teases, kicking him under the table.

"Maybe I am and this is all a ploy to confess," Timmy smirks, lifting his eyebrows suggestively, playfully knocking his knee against Armie as he takes a bite of his burger.

Armie watches him, his smile fading slowly as Timmy chews and swallows. "Is it?" he asks quietly, uncertain of whether or not he actually wants the answer, one way or another. There's a shift in the air around them, Timmy noticing and riding the uncertainty in Armie's voice carefully.

"Do you want it to be?" he asks, his voice a mirror of Armie's fervent one. Armie smiles and looks down, his fingers toying with his ring absentmindedly.

"I don't know," he shrugs. Leaving his ring in favor of his food, he takes another bite and glances around the diner, the spell broken.

* * *

"So everyone knew and no one told me?" Armie asks, their steps falling into sync with each other's as they weave in and out of the crowds of people trying to get wherever it is they're going.

"Huh?" Timmy asks, his eyes squinting as he looks up.

"About you being in love with—"

" _ Oh! _ Um…" Timmy looks forward again and worries his lip between his teeth, his head shaking slowly as he thinks. "I mean, I guess so. I thought Luca or Nick or god even Ashton would tell you at least. But yeah, I guess they just didn't think it was their place. Which is kind of cool, in retrospect."

"Did you tell them all?" Armie asks, incredulous. All his friends, then? And he still had been in the dark?

"Oh god, no," Timmy laughs. "No, they all figured it out. I never talked to Ash about it but Nick asked me once and they were hanging out with us that day so I just assumed the inquiry came from both of them."

"Does Elizabeth?" Armie asks, his voice raising a bit. Timmy glances at him with a smirk ghosting his features as he watches him squirm.

"Unless she's as oblivious as you are, then probably," he says. "Why does it matter?"

"I don't know," Armie shrugs. "I guess it doesn't."

* * *

 


	2. as im finding the words...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Did I make it worse?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW YOU GUYS! I'm so glad yall are liking this story!!! and look, I told you I would update quickly and see who's following through for once!   
> (yes, i changed the name of the first chapter of this fic and used it for this chapter but there was a reason!!! i altered the way this and the next two chapters are set up and needed the titles to be different so.) title again is from I'm Ready

"Oh come on, now you're just fucking with me," Armie complains, his shoulders sagging as he tries not to laugh, tries to be upset or at least pretend to be. Timmy smirks and lifts the hem of the stolen grey hoodie to expose his bare torso.

"You want me to take it off?" he asks, teasing, always teasing.

"Fuck you," Armie rolls his eyes. "It's too big for you," he adds, nodding to him and eyeing the way Timmy's hands are barely visible from the sleeves as he drops the fabric to cover himself.

"That's the way I like it," Timmy states, staring pointedly. "It's more comfortable," he says, extending his arms to his sides and shaking them so the sleeves cover his hands completely, a careless smile on his face.

"You know, Elizabeth asked once why I'm always buying new hoodies. I should have just had you take a picture of all of mine," he shakes his head, grabbing the throw blanket on Timmy's couch and balling it up before throwing it at him.

Timmy catches it with a laugh and drapes it around his shoulders before walking towards the kitchen. "You want anything?" he calls out over his shoulder.

"Yeah, a best friend who doesn't steal all my shit," Armie calls out, smirking as he follows, pausing only when Timmy peaks his head out of the doorway.

"I think your expectations are too high," he teases, smirking and retreating back into the kitchen while Armie follows, feigning reluctance as he leans against a counter.

"I think you have a problem," Armie eyes his own hoodie.

"I think you like it," Timmy says, challenging him.

"Oh yeah?"

"Mmm, I think you like seeing me in your clothes," Timmy says, rocking on his heels. "I think you leave your things around because you want me to put them on."

"That's convenient logic for someone who just really likes my stuff," Armie says, wondering if his ears were really turning red or if they just felt warm to him. Timmy grins and shrugs, moves around to grab a mug, extending one to Armie questioningly. Armie takes it and nods in acknowledgment as Timmy grabs another, turning to put a teapot on the stove.

"The first time it was deliberate, but then I realized your stuff is just really comfortable and you never asked for any of it back by the way," Timmy says, sifting through a cupboard to grab tea.

"What do you mean deliberate?" Armie asks, toying with the mug in his hands.

"Well, it smelled like you," Timmy shrugs, glancing over his shoulder at Armie to smile briefly before returning to his task. "It was in Italy I think, the first time anyway. I took a, uh… it was a shirt. I actually did give that one back though, I was nervous you'd catch me and be upset."

"In  _ Crema _ ?" Armie asks, stepping to Timmy's side of the kitchen and leaning against the counter next to him.

"Yeah," Timmy shrugs, staring at a tin can of tea and nodding to himself. "Anyway, that was on purpose because it smelled like you. I mean back then it was just a plus most of the time if it smelled like you, but all your stuff is comfortable so that's pretty much most of the reason I take anything. Like this?" He grabs the front of the hoodie. "This is just comfortable as fuck."

_ Why are you telling me this?  _ Armie wonders, but he won't speak it out loud. He wouldn't dare.

They take their tea into the living room when it's done and Timmy thinks that's the end of the conversation, but Armie can't stop thinking about it. "What else?" Timmy stares at him and tries to keep the confused smile he feels sneaking up from showing.

"What else…?"

"What else don't I know? About," he gestures between the two of them.

"About my being in love with you?" Timmy asks, clarifying. He couldn't deny that it felt a little exhilarating to say it every time, even if he was certain he didn't feel it anymore. He always told himself he'd never tell Armie, so talking about it feels like a privilege.

"Yeah," Armie nods.

"Um…I don't know," Timmy shrugs, thinking about that part of his life. "I don't know what you want to know?"

"Did I make it worse? When I'd, you know…"

"When you'd what?" Timmy asks, amused. "When you'd flirt? Yeah, you made it worse," he laughs.

"That's not—" Armie shakes his head, blushing. "I mean when I would say stuff about the movie or how I felt about you?"

"Oh, like when you'd say you fell in love with me? Yeah that was confusing," Timmy says.

"Well, you were saying it—"

"Because I  _ meant _ it," Timmy says, placing a hand on Armie's knee, his smile fading. "I'll be honest, it took a while to realize it was different when you said it." He pulls back and takes a sip of his tea.

"Sorry," Armie says, a little embarrassed.

"It's alright, I got it eventually. I was so caught up with that promo that I think sometimes I let it cloud my judgement, honestly."

"You and I both," Armie mutters. Timmy glances at him and smiles faintly, waiting for Armie to elaborate, nodding when Armie meets his eyes and sees the look on his face. "I don't even know, Timmy. I mean, we talked about character bleed."

"Oh, right. Yeah, that didn't help either," Timmy says, nodding and letting out a sigh that he didn't realize had trapped itself in his chest.

"Do you remember when we went back to Crema?" Armie asks, looking over at Timmy who, to his credit, doesn't seem to be affected by Armie's words.

"Yeah, of course."

"That was something," Armie says, a bit lost in thought.

"Yeah…" Timmy says, his chest tight. They sit quietly for a moment before Timmy clears his throat and asks what Armie wants to watch on TV.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what's gonna happen??


	3. ...you're getting away...

“How come you never said anything?” Armie asks over coffee. Timmy glances up and shrugs, grown suddenly too accustomed to Armie’s random inquiries about his heart to even ask what he means. 

“Wasn’t worth it.” He looks away and takes a bit of his croissant, smiles at the guy behind the espresso machine who keeps looking over. 

“It wasn’t  _ worth it?  _ Wow, okay,” Armie mutters, chuckling a bit out of embarrassment. 

“I don’t mean—” Timmy reaches out to touch his arm. “I didn’t mean it like that.” 

“Okay,” Armie shakes his head, looks down. He feels sick— he’s felt sick since the confession under Timmy’s banter and gaze. He can’t shake it and somehow Timmy being able to pretend it hasn’t happened makes it worse. 

“I just mean, you’re married, you didn’t feel the same, it was painfully obvious nothing was going to happen.” Armie looks up and meets Timmy’s eyes as he withdraws touch, taking a drink from his coffee and relaxing against his seat. Armie doesn’t understand how this conversation can be so casual for him. With a sinking realization, Armie glances away— it’s almost as if he’s the one who pined, not Timmy. 

“Why would I put myself through a conversation that would only hurt me?” Timmy asks, shrugging and shaking his hair out of his eyes when Armie glances back at him. 

“Are you so sure it would have hurt you?” Armie asks, his voice somber. 

“Would you have told me you would leave her? That you were in love with me?” Timmy challenges, leaning forward, his arms crossed on the table. “Would you have come out to be with me?” He only waits a minute in silence, his eyes skating across Armie’s conflicted face. “It would have hurt me,” he decides, leaning back. 

“I could—” 

“Don’t,” Timmy shakes his head. “Don’t retroactively pretend you might have cared. It’s honestly  _ okay _ .”

“I did care,” Armie says, staring at the table. 

“Not enough.” 

“You make me sound like an ass,” Armie complains, running his hand through his hair. 

“Right, because standing by your family makes you an ass,” Timmy says, a smirk lifting the corner of his lips. “Armie,” he draws out, waiting for him to meet his eyes. “If you had left her, you wouldn’t have been the man I fell in love with.” Armie stares at him, at the open vulnerability on his face— it leaves him uncomfortably warm. 

“I’m not the man you fell in love with,” he says quietly. “You’re not in love, that means I’m not—” 

“God, you really want me to spell this out, don’t you?” Timmy, looking away. He scratches the back of his neck. “It hurt to be in love with you. I had to stop for my own sanity, it had  _ nothing _ to do with you or anything you did. You didn’t fucking change, I just couldn’t handle it anymore. Stop questioning yourself.” He shakes his head and adjusts in his seat. “Haven’t you ever fallen out of love with someone? Just because? I mean come on, it’s not like it’s one and done. It  _ is _ possible to fall in love and then not love that person.” 

Armie tries not flinch at the words. 

“I mean Jesus Christ. If I’d known you’d be this touchy I would never have told you,” Timmy mutters, staring at his hands. Armie looks up and catches the annoyance on Timmy’s face. “Can we talk about something else?” 

“I’m sorry,” Armie says, because he’s not sure what could possibly take that look off Timmy’s face. There was this whole world of experience Timmy had endured that he didn’t know about, though, and he craved knowledge. He couldn’t handle knowing he’d missed so much when Timmy exposed his heart so easily. How could he have been so blind for so long? He just wants to understand. He wants to take it all back and retreat. 

“Yeah, well. Stop asking, then.” Timmy bites his lip and swallows, looks at his phone. Armie watches him tap out a text before it settles back on the table and his eyes lift to Armie’s. “Sorry, you don’t— I don’t mean you can’t ask, I just— I didn’t—” He takes a deep breath and leans forward, his eyes searching Armie’s face. “I just never thought I’d get to talk to you about this and now that we’re talking about it, it feels kind of weird. Like why was I love? I don’t fucking know, I just was. Why did I fall out? I don’t know. Why didn’t you see it, I  _ don’t know. _ I don’t have the answers here, and I know you want them. I’d like to give them to you, I really would. I wish I had them for myself but at the end of the day you were just there and you were everything I felt like I needed and when it wasn’t reciprocated it fucking killed me and I didn’t want to tell you because I was embarrassed. I don’t know what else to tell you.”

Armie nods slowly and swallows, tries to keep himself from breaking in this coffee shop, and asks about his family to distract from the dull ache he feels in his chest. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and so the dynamic begins to shift..... i know i know it's short but breaking it here is the only thing that makes sense! If yall have predictions about this, I'm curious. I've got the next two parts written already and am working on the one after that so I pretty much know where it's going/has gone, but I'm curious to see if anyone has their own perceptions of what's going on under the surface here or what's to come. So far, yall have had some great insight tbh 
> 
> next ch. is called "i come undone" and will be up before the weekend ends!


	4. ...i come undone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i remember how a month ago i originally planned this to be only three chapters and that has not happened, folks. that has not happened at all.

“Did you ever think about it?” Armie glances over to the other end of the couch where Timmy sits, his eyes still on the screen of the TV. For a moment, Armie thinks he imagined the question, couldn’t possibly imagine Timmy bringing it up after getting so annoyed, but Timmy looks over at him with raised brows and he knows it wasn’t his mind playing tricks. 

“About  _ it?”  _

“Us,” Timmy clarifies, motioning between them. He looks guarded, Armie notes. His feet are tucked up under him on the couch, his body half turned towards the screen and half towards Armie, his hands covered by yet another too big sweatshirt and now resting in his lap. Armie swallows and looks away. 

“I guess,” he admits quietly.

“Did you, I mean did it— what did you...think… about? With us?” Armie glances over at him and carefully assesses the situation. 

“I don’t know, honestly.” He runs a hand through his hair and looks away in an attempt to slow the nervous energy he feels. “I think I was so in Oliver’s head sometimes…” he trails off, unsure of himself. “After we went back to Italy and retraced our steps, I knew you might have,  _ feelings _ , I don’t know. That whole press tour, I guess i kind of knew so I guess it crossed my mind.” He isn’t prepared for how anxious this topic makes him when he isn’t in control, or how close he gets to having to deal with this himself.

“So it wasn’t all in my head?” Timmy asks. It’s the first time Timmy’s brought it up since he let it slip that he fell in love, that fact not lost on either of them. Armie stares at the ground in front of the couch and tries to figure out what to say that will be honest without upsetting their careful balance. 

“I guess that depends on what exactly you thought was going on,” Armie says, hating how the words sound leaving his lips. Timmy stays quiet for a moment, his hands toying with the hems of his sleeves. 

“I guess it’s not that important,” he says finally. Armie watches him and wonders if it would be worth it to press for more information, for clarification, if that would be cruel. Timmy keeps telling him it’s not important, but it feels important to  _ him _ that he’d missed his best friend falling in and out of love with him, that everything about their friendship now was built on the ruins of a broken heart he had everything to do with. 

“Timmy—” he starts without any clear plan of where to take this conversation. He finds he just stares. 

“So I guess I should just tell you,” Timmy says, clearing his throat. “I um, it was pretty bad. When I realized you really didn’t feel the same and it would never happen. Do you remember when I cut you out for those couple of weeks and blamed it on filming?” Armie nods slowly, afraid of his voice. “So I was trying to get over it. And I thought the only way I could do that was if I stopped talking to you entirely. But then that didn’t really work because I just missed you. I think I needed closure and not talking to you wasn’t giving me that, so I reached out and apologized—” 

“You didn’t need to apologize,” Armie mutters, his heart sinking. 

“I did, though. For me.” Timmy glances up and smiles sadly. “Anyway, I asked about Elizabeth more because I thought if you were telling me how happy you were I’d be able to separate my delusions from reality and accept that it was never going to happen. But you wouldn’t even give me that so,” TImmy takes a deep breath. “It was really rough, man. I mean god, all I wanted was for you to tell me you were happy and I couldn’t tell you why it was so important.” 

“You could have told me,” Armie says quietly, like Timmy might run if he’s louder than necessary. 

“No, no I couldn’t.” Timmy smiles at him and reaches out to pat his leg. “I figured if you didn’t know by then how I felt, there was no hope. Telling you wouldn’t have done anything,” he explains. “I didn’t want to put that on you or make you feel guilty. And besides, I liked it when you flirted even if it killed me. I didn’t want that to stop,” he shrugs. “I needed some sort of normalcy and I knew if I told you, all that would be gone.”

“I’m so sorry. I had no idea, I never, I was such an asshole,” Armie shakes his head. 

“No—” 

“No, Timmy. I was an asshole. I knew you had a crush and I teased you and flirted all the fucking time. When you stopped talking to me, I thought I fucked it all up and then so much had happened, I just wanted to tell you everything and I guess I forgot all the good and just dumped all my problems on you because it helped and that wasn’t fair. Why didn’t you tell me this sooner? All this time—” 

“I needed time,” Timmy tells him. 

“I could have made it easier—” 

“No, you would have made it worse,” Timmy sighs, stretching his legs out in front of him before resting one ankle over his knee. 

“I—” 

“Armie, you would have tried to make it better and you would have done whatever I needed to help me get over you and I would have just fallen harder, okay?” Timmy stares at his hands as he speaks. “I was barely holding it together, I didn’t need you trying to hold me together. Why don’t you understand that?” 

“I… I don’t know,” Armie admits, his eyes caught on Timmy’s shoulders. 

“I don’t want you to think I’m still going through it,” Timmy says. “I’m okay with where we are, you need to know that. I’m okay now, you don’t have to feel bad.” 

“Yeah, I know,” Armie nods, but it’s distant, his voice empty. 

“I’m serious,” Timmy tells him, leaning back and staring at him. 

“I need you to tell me when I’m being an asshole,” Armie mumbles. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I know, man. Hey, I’m okay, look at me.  _ I’m okay. _ ”

“ _ Now _ , maybe.” 

“You can’t change the past,” Timmy tells him, reaching out and ruffling his hair. “It’s done, I’ve accepted that part of my life. You need to let go of whatever guilt you feel.” Armie nods and takes a deep breath, his mouth dry. When he looks up at Timmy, he tries to give him a genuine enough smile before leaning back against the couch and returning his attention to the screen. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok truth be told some of you are hella close to what's going to do down in the next couple of parts, and some of you have other elements of things that are about to happen, but no one has quite perfectly nailed it which tbh is probably good. I was working on ch 6 today and it ended up being like two different scenes so now that might need to be split and oh my godddd i didnt expect this to have so many parts and yet here we are and there are so many emotions! I'll update quickly.


	5. say something sweet...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMFG I LITERALLY ALMOST JUST POSTED THE VERY WRONG CHAPTER THAT WAS A CLOOOSSSEEEE CALL I WAS ABOUT TO HIT SUBMIT STRESSED IS MY MIDDLE NAME   
> **ahem**  
> *places chapter down carefully and walks away* here... is the RIGHT chapter....

Armie wanders into the kitchen, careful not to make noise, laughing softly when he finds Timmy rummaging around for a snack. The lights are off, the only glow from the countertop nightlight and the open fridge. Armie leans against the doorframe and whispers, “Hey,” smiling faintly when Timmy startles and reaches out to shove him. He has a half gallon of milk in his hand and a bottle of chocolate syrup tucked into the crease of his arm when he kicks the fridge door closed, throwing a sleepy smile at Armie as he nods towards the counter for him to join him. 

“What are you, 12?” Armie teases, picking up the chocolate syrup which Timmy promptly takes back with an unconvincing glare as he reaches for two glasses. 

“Are you a dick to all the people who let you crash at their place or just me?” Timmy asks, his eyebrows raised, the ghost of a smirk keeping his tone light and careless. “Anyway, if I’m 12 so are you, I know you want some,” he says, pouring syrup into both glasses. 

“Thank you,” Armie says quietly, his voice verging on the edge of sing-songy while he smiles and watches. 

“Why are you awake?” Timmy asks, glancing up as he pours milk and reaches for a spoon. 

“Couldn’t sleep. Your neighbors are  _ loud _ , dude.” Timmy laughs and looks towards the ceiling. 

“They’re in love—”

“They’re disgusting.”

“Just because you’re not getting any doesn’t mean they shouldn’t,” Timmy teases, handing over one of the glasses to Armie. 

“Now that’s just mean,” Armie states, standing straighter. His eyes are lit up like they always are when they tease each other. Timmy simply shrugs and leans against the counter, lifting the glass to his lips and gently kicking Armie’s shin with his foot. 

They stand quietly, their bodies drifting towards one another, Timmy’s head resting against the outer side of Armie’s shoulder for a fleeting moment before he walks to stand opposite him, his body shouldered against the coolness of the fridge. “Did I tell you about Saoirse knocking on their door to tell them to quit it?” 

“What?” Armie laughs, his head thrown back. 

“Yeah, last time she visited. She walked up there and told them to  _ please stop fucking it’s 5am _ ,” he laughs. 

“That’s bold.”

“That’s Saoirse,” Timmy shrugs. “I think she mostly did it because I told her she didn’t have the balls to.”

“Oh, yeah. Well there you go,” Armie smirks. His chocolate milk swirls in the glass as he shifts his wrist, their laughter fading slowly. 

“I used to daydream about this,” Timmy all but whispers, his eyes caught on Armie’s hands, his smile still firmly in place. 

“About shitty chocolate milk at 2am?” Armie teases. The darkened kitchen hides how his own smile turns forced. They had a long standing tradition of sudden emotional intimacy in the middle of the night, and Armie fights it with humor.

“Yeah,” Timmy rolls his eyes, kicking Armie. He settles and after a moment, his eyes cast down, adds, “Yeah, actually.” He looks up and shrugs. “It’s the little things, you know?” He lifts himself onto the counter near the sink and lets his legs dangle. “I just wanted the little things.”

Armie loses his breath when Timmy looks at him, uncertainty seeping into his veins like a bad transfusion. “Tim,” he mumbles, almost to chide him for being open, almost to beg for more. Everything about this trip is uncharted territory. 

“Sometimes you’d call me to talk about stupid shit and it was just the greatest thing. I’d be on a high all day just because you wanted to talk about what you had for breakfast.” Armie swallows hard. “I guess that’s actually kind of pathetic,” Timmy mumbles. 

“Not as pathetic as me wanting to call you to talk about what I had for breakfast,” Armie says, trying to lighten the mood. It’s too dense in the kitchen for this conversation, too close, too dark. 

Timmy smirks and looks up with a little nod of his head. “Yeah, you’re really pathetic,” he teases. 

“Hey, I’m just saying. Who’s crashing on whose couch here? You’re not pathetic, Timmy.” 

“It’s an air mattress, first of all. And second, stop trying to make me feel better,” Timmy says, but it’s said with a genuine smile and Armie isn’t sure what to make of any of this. Armie breathes in and holds the air in his lungs for a moment before exhaling.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Always.”

“Do you think it would have worked? Us?” Timmy’s smile falters at the question, his eyes lowering. 

“Don’t make me answer that.” Armie goes cold. 

“Sorry, I—” Timmy looks up when he doesn’t continue and finds anxiety in Armie’s eyes. 

“What I did or didn’t think doesn’t matter anymore. It didn’t work. That’s what matters. Don’t make me attempt to speak for something that never happened, god I spent years wishing I’d know the answer to that question, don’t put me back in that place, Armie.” 

“I’m sorry,” he says again, because everything else feels inadequate. He places his glass on the counter and takes a deep breath, sighs as Timmy takes a long drink. 

“It’s fine,” Timmy shakes his head. They stand quietly, both unsure of what to do next. Timmy eventually takes their glasses to the sink and fills them with soapy water, leaving them for the morning. When he turns, Armie walks towards him, a silent plea in his eyes that Timmy recognizes too quickly. He wraps his arms around him and leans in, letting the hug sooth him. 

“This is killing me,” Armie whispers, voice wavering. He can feel Timmy shudder against him, only worsening the effect. 

“I shouldn’t have told you.” Armie breathes deeply, his eyes closed as he shakes his head. “You don’t need to be worrying about this.”

“Don’t tell me what to worry about,” Armie mumbles, the smell of Timmy’s body wash mixed with the faint scent of chocolate making his body ache. "You can't expect this to not affect me after everything."

“This week was supposed to be fun,” Timmy whispers, ignoring him. Armie isn’t sure what to say, so he tightens his arms and tries to focus on the way their chests rise and fall together. 

Timmy pulls back and keeps his eyes low when he wanders away from Armie, a mumble “Goodnight” the only thing leaving his lips as he disappears back into his room, Armie left watching him in silence. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooo uhhhhh ?


	6. disconnect my heart, my head

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow i had a hell of a time trying to update this. my train's wifi refused to let it go through, and the place im staying until tomorrow has no wifi (im at a coffee shop)  
> Anyway. Here you go! shout out to dreamofhorses42 for indulging my classical movie talk.

It had rained all morning, Armie's hair damp from errands while Timmy took meetings for potential projects. The apartment wears the signs of Armie's time there, throw blankets tossed over a mattress and pillows creased from sleep, the whole thing taking up half the living room's floor space. He considers taking it apart, deflating it and folding the linens, but Timmy had been insistent his first morning to leave it, to allow him to take up space in his apartment like it was his own. The book Timmy tossed at him the other day sits on a couch cushion with a bookmark a few pages in; Armie knows he'll just have to start from the beginning again. Their mugs sit on the coffee table from earlier this morning, a half-read newspaper haphazardly folded next to them from when Timmy grew frustrated of Armie’s silence over breakfast, his silence all morning actually, despite Timmy’s best efforts. Armie didn’t know what to say to him anymore, everything teetering on the edge of another conversation that would leave them both feeling a toxic mix of empty and heavy. Timmy had left the room and when he re-emerged, he looked at Armie and stoically said, “This is exactly why I never said anything. If you can’t talk to me anymore than you can just leave.” Armie texted him an hour later with  _ “Should have checked the weather. I’m SOAKED”  _ with a picture of his canvas shoes at the edge of a puddle, his jeans barely visible but definitely drenched. A simple “ _ can I stay?”  _ followed, to which Timmy told him he’d see him soon. 

He declines a call from his realtor as the lock turns, Timmy appearing with a wilted paper bag and a grin. "Jesus, it's pouring." His laugh is breathless as he shakes his head to lower his hood, scattering droplets everywhere in the process. "Got bagels," he says while shucking off his shoes and jacket before wandering over and flopping down on the couch. The bag sits on the coffee table as he digs through it, pulling two out and lifting one to Armie who hesitantly sits down next to him to accept it. Timmy seems to have forgotten— or at least has chosen to move beyond— the morning, while Armie hopes a distraction will lift him from the tension in his chest.

"What's on the agenda?" he asks, taking a bite. 

"I'm feeling something classic."

"Oh it’s one of  _ those _ days, is it?" Armie says knowingly. He’d been convinced that Timmy liked the classics when he was feeling nostalgic. 

"Don't challenge me on this, Hammer. It's rainy, this is  _ perfect _ weather for some classic Hollywood." Armie concedes quickly, not that he'd ever fight him on this, their taste in films didn’t differ  _ that _ much. Timmy sifts through movies for a few minutes before settling on An Affair to Remember and reaching down to Armie’s makeshift bed to steal blankets, tossing one at Armie before taking the other for himself. Armie watches him settle in, his tentative observant smile blooming when Timmy looks up and quirks an eyebrow in question. Their attention turns to the screen and Armie starts relaxing into the cushions, the blanket covering his legs but not much else. Timmy took the larger blanket, knowing Armie didn’t really need the excess warmth anyway; it wraps around him securely, his body seemingly smaller under its weight. He looks younger like this, Armie notes quietly.  

“Shut up,” Timmy whispers, his lips fighting a smile. Armie tries not to remember Crema, he really does. 

They make popcorn halfway through, Armie kicking Timmy’s leg when he taps out a rhythm on his back that starts to tickle. They eat handfuls of it before ever making it to the couch. Armie gives him the bag and takes his blanket, realizing if he wants things to return to normal, all he has to do is act like it, just like Timmy had been doing. “Hey!” Timmy complains, reaching for it, but Armie’s too quick. “That’s not fair, it’s cold!” 

“It’s your apartment, turn up the heat,” Armie says, a facade on his face as he looks at Timmy pouting. He has no intention of keeping the blanket, but the look on Timmy’s face makes him tease him a little longer. He snuggles up under it and smiles sweetly, Timmy glaring and reaching out to yank it away. They’re closer when they hit play, Armie’s feet under the larger blanket, just close enough to graze Timmy’s thigh as he sits with crossed legs on the couch, the popcorn between them. Armie makes a comment about the cinematography and Timmy smiles softly, nodding along, throwing in his own input quietly on occasion. When it ends, Armie asks about his meetings earlier to distract from the building tightness in his chest he’d been fighting for days. A comfortable silence falls around them and Timmy looks over, asks, “What?” with a hesitant smile. Armie smiles back, knowing full well it doesn’t reach his eyes, and shakes his head. Timmy’s expression falls immediately. “What’s going on?” 

“It’s nothing,” Armie insists, the sickness in his stomach worsening. He stands and wanders over to the kitchen to grab some water and reminds Timmy of their commitment to have dinner with his parents. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LISTEN there is a reason it cut off here! I originally had about 250 words written for this chapter but it started very abruptly and the end was a little sudden as well, so I knew I needed to expand on it. Except then I writing a part to go in front of it and it became over 800 words on its own and I still needed more to set up the conversation I wrote. SO. You'll get that tomorrow night sometime!!


	7. im ready to drop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> is it better to speak or die?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (this was the chapter i almost posted the other day lol)

Dinner with Timmy’s parents went well enough, but they knew something was off between the two men. Nicole asked Timmy if everything was alright, to which he shrugged and asked what she meant, playing it off as if nothing was amiss. They asked too many questions for Armie to think they weren’t  aware something had happened, but he wasn’t prepared to talk about it with anyone. It occurred to him halfway through dinner that they probably knew all along, that they probably had been just as aware as Armie’s own friends had been about Timmy’s feelings. That they would have helped him pick himself back up eventually.

It drives him to ask for more wine. 

Armie evaded their questions well enough, but not Timmy’s gaze. When saying goodbye, his stomach turns at the prospect of being alone with Timmy again, of more complicated emotions he can’t run from. Timmy shoves him lightly as they walk and asks if he’s okay again, Armie doing a better job at lying this time. Their previous conversations play through his mind constantly, things TImmy’s said haunting his every step. The added revelation of Timmy’s parents likely knowing all along and yet still welcoming Armie into their home overwhelms him. With every playful smirk or shove, Armie is reminded of earlier when Timmy looked at him on the couch with concern in his eyes, of standing in his parent’s living room as Timmy rolled his eyes with a smirk at something his father had said. His mind lingers on all the things he has let go unsaid, the secrets he meant to spill sooner or later, wondering if his chance has slipped away, if it even matters anymore to tell the truth. On some accounts, he can’t remain silent; other matters though, he thinks he might be able to keep quiet on some things. That is, if his body would allow him to remain silent. He’s not so sure it will.  

Every step they take, he feels the anxiety build in his chest, his feet numb as they walk, his lungs tight in his chest. A voice in his mind keeps screaming at him to say something, just say something, because he knows it’s only a matter of time before Timmy stops accepting “it’s nothing” as an answer. He can’t take the silence. 

"So, hey. Do you remember when you asked me if I thought about us, and I said it crossed my mind because I knew you had a crush?" Armie asks, attempting Timmy's nonchalance for once despite the swell of uncertainty he feels.  _ Is it better to speak or die, is it better to speak or die, _ he hears over and over again in his own voice as he read the audiobook and thought only of their summer together.

Timmy nods but looks away as they weave through the street to reach the building Timmy lives in. "I lied," Armie blurts out. 

Timmy looks at him momentarily before shaking his head and stuffing his hands in his pockets. For what it’s worth, his steps only falter a little. They walk quietly as Timmy mulls over his words, uncertain as to whether or not he really wants clarification. Too much time passes between them and Armie starts to believe he shouldn’t have said anything, that Timmy doesn’t want to talk about this anymore. Which is fine, it’s absolutely fine. 

The silence becomes unbearable, though. Timmy remains quiet, head down, even as he turns the key to his apartment. The lights flicker on when he hits the switch, illuminating what had become their shared space during the better part of this week. Armie leans against a wall, terrified to really go anywhere without Timmy leading the way, sensing he needed to take a step back. 

"What does that mean, you lied?"Timmy asks finally. 

"I guess I didn't  _ lie _ , but…" Armie shifts his weight and grimaces as he watches Timmy’s expression harden. "I didn't really tell the whole truth. I never really gave you a real answer."

Timmy watches him squirm with a heavy heart. "Would I regret asking you again?" he asks, impressing Armie with how steady he sounds despite the edge in his eyes. “I mean, you didn’t give an answer but do I really want one?” Armie shrugs, his throat tight. 

“I don’t know,” he mumbles. “I just… I  _ did _ think about it,” he starts, glancing at Timmy. “All the time. You just made me nervous.” Armie nods a little to himself, as if to reassure himself in the absence of any encouragement from Timmy to go on, and stuffs his hands in his pockets. “Back then, now, you always make me nervous—” 

“I actually don’t know if we should talk about this,” Timmy cuts him off, his eyes glazing as he looks away. Armie notices his chest doesn’t rise and fall normally, almost as if he’s having to remind himself to fill his lungs with air. 

“There was just so much happening,” Armie mutters. “I never knew how to tell you—”

“Armie—”

"— god you were young, you  _ are _ young—"

"Stop."

"You should know—"

" _ No _ , I don't. I don't think I want to know," Timmy says firmly, his voice raised as he lifts a hand to stop Armie, his eyes still stuck on the floor in front of him, his chest tight.

For a long moment, they just stand there in silence, the quiet hum of Timmy's heater whirling away. Armie watches as Timmy opens and closes his mouth as if to start speaking before deciding against it. After some time, Armie realizes his knees are locked; he shifts his weight to relieve the tension and fidgets, his forefinger and thumb rubbing against each other in circles at his side. "You broke my heart," Timmy manages finally, his voice shaking. "I was _devastated_. I swear to god if you, if you’re trying to tell me that you... I can't do this right now," Timmy mumbles, walking towards his bedroom and shutting the door behind him. 

The light streaming through the windows shifts from golden hues to muted blues before Armie gives up on him returning and sits on the air mattress Timmy bought specifically for his visit. 

He doesn’t sleep. 


	8. another four aspirin morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> timmy pieces it together and armie reacts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so this might not be the best time to tell you think but it's definitely a better time than AFTER you read this chapter so... im going to be out of state/country until sunday and idk if im bringing my laptop so um im sorry in advance if i dont update between then and now

It takes three cups of coffee in the morning to get Armie up after tossing and turning all night. Timmy’s still asleep, or at least that's what Armie tells himself when he leaves and notices his door still shut. The prospect of him actively avoiding Armie seems too real, too upsetting to contemplate. The morning drags on, his body already aching from the lack of sleep by 10am.

When Armie returns from yet another meeting with his realtor, he finds Timmy with a glass of wine on the couch, half the lights off in the apartment. He places the packet he was given on the table, takes his coat and boots off, hesitant to approach when he realizes Timmy didn't react to him coming home. He approaches, clearing his throat to make himself known as if Timmy would have perhaps missed him walking in, uncertain as to whether or not Timmy will choose to even acknowledge him. It became clear to him the previous night that Timmy didn’t want to hear anything contrary to the narrative he’d accepted in his mind of the past. 

"The apartment is just for you, isn't it? The ones you keep going to see?" Timmy doesn't meet Armie's eyes when he asks, doesn't move, barely breathes. The air grows stale quickly in the room as Armie contemplates his answer, completely caught off guard. His mouth goes dry. 

"I meant to tell you."

"Meant to tell me that you're moving out?" Armie remains silent and Timmy shakes his head. "No, no you mean, you meant to tell me it's over, right? Is it official then?" Armie swallows and nods despite knowing Timmy's eyes are still trained elsewhere. "God dammit, Armie. You just let me monopolize this week with all this bullshit when this was going on? When did this even happen, you've been planning this trip for a month."

"It was a long time coming--"

"So you just chose to never clue me in, got in."

"Timmy--"

"You should have told me! I could have, I don’t know… You're my best friend, I've been venting all week and you probably needed someone to talk to--"

" _ I did _ have someone to talk to. It didn't matter what we were talking about," Armie says, his throat tight. Armie can feel everything he'd held back on saying rise up in his chest and he forces it down. "Just being here and talking to  _ you  _ helped, it's okay."

"It's not okay," Timmy shakes his head. "I should have been there for you. I should have picked up on that."

"I should have picked up on a lot of shit, Tim. Don't beat yourself up."  

"Your marriage is  _ ending _ , Armie. I should have known." Armie swallows hard at the phrase so plainly thrown out there. Ending, it's ending. He nods slowly as he realizes Timmy had been waiting god knows how long to ask about it.

"Didn't you, though?" Timmy turns to look him in the eyes, unprepared for the almost pained expression of vulnerability he finds. "That's why you told me, right? Because you knew my marriage was over. Tell me before I could tell you so it wouldn't seem, I don't know. Opportunistic. Didn't want me to read into something that wasn't there."

"That's not--no, Armie--"

"You knew it wasn't in your head," Armie mutters, shaking his head, embarrassed when his eyes brim with tears. He feels himself cracking, the careful calm demeanor he'd managed for too long slipping as he steps towards Timmy. "You knew I liked you, you knew she and I were fighting, you fucking knew that she would never move here, that she'd have no reason to. Of course you'd figure it out." By the end of his speech, Armie is more muttering to himself than anything.

"I didn't," Timmy shakes his head, his voice small and strained. "Armie?"

"I've been trying to keep it together, Tim. And I know you  _ clearly _ don't want to fucking talk about this but--"

"I know."

"You tell me you were in love with me and I'm trying--" he bites his lip to stop it from shaking, but it doesn't help. He knows he has to say something and he can't justify silence anymore. "I'm trying not to hate myself so goddamn much for not saying something back when I had the chance. And now…"

"Armie--"

"In Italy--"

"Please don't do this--"

"Stop! Damn it. I let you talk all week, let  _ me _ fucking talk,  _ please _ ," Armie all but begs. He looks out Timmy's window and tries to steady himself. "In Italy, on the press tour, you asked me if I had any regrets. All I wanted was to kiss you, god I wanted to kiss you so bad and I knew you'd let me if I just did it and I couldn't do that you or her or even myself. I know you went through hell, Timmy, but Jesus. You don't know what it's like to be married and have kids and wake up every day and wonder what it would have been like if you waited for someone else. Do you have any idea what that did to me? The kind of fucking  _ guilt _ I felt for a part of me wishing I met you instead of her? When she's the mother of my  _ kids _ ?" Armie takes a steadying breath and clenches his eyes shut to stop the tears. "I didn't say something because I didn't want to feel it and I didn't want to hurt you, which apparently couldn't be fucking  _ stopped _ . And then you cut me out and I couldn't stop myself from fighting with her, I was so fucking scared that I'd lost you and then she was angry at me because I think she knew and you wouldn't answer my calls and god, Timmy, I just wanted to hear from you, and now I have to hear that even when I tried not to hurt you I was hurting you, I mean, god, I tried so fucking hard to do the right thing here when all along you just  _ decided _ to go through a heartbreak without ever telling me it was happening, and what was the damn point of even trying to do the right thing," he spills, practically in one breath. 

"Armie," Timmy sighs, his eyes red.

"I didn't break your heart, Timmy. You broke it and then put the pieces in my hands and walked away." He shakes his head and walks back towards the door, grabbing his coat. "I was in love, too, you know. I guess I must have missed the memo where I was supposed to ignore you and fall out of love." He takes a deep breath and lets the silence swallow them whole. When he speaks again, his voice is stronger, less emotional. "I signed papers today on a lease. You're the first to know so don't go spreading the news." He starts putting on his coat as he avoids Timmy's eyes. 

"Please don't leave," Timmy stands and takes a few strides in Armie's direction. The only sound is their exaggerated breathing and Armie's occasional sniffling as he looks at the wall, jaw clenched. "Armie," he whispers, taking another step.

"Look, I don't blame you for never saying anything. I get it." Armie shifts his weight and glances at Timmy briefly. "If you told me, I would have left her before I was ready and I probably would have resented you for that."

"You would have left her?" Timmy asks in disbelief, his heart racing.

"I think so," Armie nods, looking up at him to hold his gaze. "In retrospect, though. Who really knows if I'd have gone through with it." It's Timmy's turn to nod in acknowledgement of the complexities of what could have been. "Look I… I'm going to go for a walk, okay?" Armie says quietly. "I think I need some air."

"Can we please just talk about this?"

"Now you want to talk," Armie mutters, shaking his head.

" _ Please _ \--"

"I don't know what you want me to say. You've made it abundantly clear you don’t love me anymore and to be honest I'm not entirely sure how to be around you right now because I never got over it."

"You still don't get it," Timmy shakes his head.

"You know what Tim, _no_. I don't fucking get it. Stop assuming I  _ get it _ . I'm exhausted, just say whatever--"

"I'm still in love with you." A beat. Armie stares at him openly. "I'm always going to be in love with you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :))))))


	9. you can breathe now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wanted /so badly/ to keep using lyrics from I'm Ready but honestly? that song is depressing at it's heart and while it fit the themes and confusion I was putting into the previous chapters from Armie's perspective, to use those final lyrics for the final chapters feels wrong. So the song title of this chapter (and the next) are from MFEO which is on the same album. If you don't care then proceed to the fic but since I'm crazy I feel like I have to explain the reasoning for this song so HERE welcome to my ted talk:   
> MFEO is the culmination of the entire Everything in Transit album that was the soundtrack to this fic. It follows the themes of everything the other songs cover but resolves them in a hopeful way, then turns almost frantic but still earnest in each line, using lines from the other songs layered over new hurried lyrics. It's everything this chapter is, everything the next one is, in Armie's mind. It's a frantic resolution that can't quite shake the previous songs' (or chapters') pain and confusion. Nothing I write is ever by accident, you guys. No titles, no songs mentioned, are /ever/ by accident and there's a story behind everything. I just had to clue yall in this time with this fic.

Armie stares at him quietly, his heart racing. He'd heard him correctly, could feel the floor beneath him, understood he wasn't dreaming. And yet, it takes longer than necessary to truly process in his mind what Timmy's just said. Perhaps it's the exhaustion he feels, but he grows overwhelmed almost immediately and embarrassed at the tears he feels filling his eyes. Timmy walks over to him and wipes them away with the pads of his thumbs, causing Armie's eyes to slip shut and more tears to follow. His hands wrap around Timmy's wrists, not to stop him, but to assure himself that this is  _ real. _

"I didn't  _ know _ your marriage was over when I told you," he starts. "I just knew you were looking for a place here and I thought if I was going to be around you more often then I might as well be honest, like a fresh start, no secrets," he explains, his hands resting on either side of Armie's face. "Will you look at me?" he asks quietly. Armie opens his eyes and swallows. "I thought I was okay, that I could talk about it, but as soon as I said it out loud and you looked at me like that I just… I tried  _ so  _ hard to push it back, to ignore it. But god, Armie. Every time you brought it up you'd get this look in your eyes and I fell all over again, I don't know maybe I never stopped loving you at all. And I tried to talk myself out of it by explaining to you what happened and it backfired."

"Backfired… like when you were upset with me?" Armie whispers, his voice failing him. Timmy nods, his hands falling to rest on Armie's shoulders, Armie's hands still wrapped around his forearms.

"You're not the only one who was frustrated," Timmy shrugs. "I'm sorry."

"I pushed you, I shouldn't--" Armie takes a deep breath. "I don't understand. Do you--" Armie looks away, his thumbs rubbing against Timmy's skin. It's been over a decade since he had to wonder if his feelings were being reciprocated; it makes him nervous. He feels foolish and anxious. "Do you want  _ this?"  _ he asks, adding quickly, "Or just, do you just want me to know, or?"

"Armie," Timmy says, his lips curling. "Are you serious?" Armie meets his gaze and Timmy lets out the air in his lungs in a huff. "Unbelievable," he mutters. "Tell a guy you love him and he still doesn't get it," he shakes his head, smirking slightly as he raises up and grips Armie's shirt. "I want this, you idiot," he mumbles before bringing his lips to Armie's not-so-tentatively in a move he bargains has to be made sooner or later by one of them or they'll continue in this cycle of uncertainty.

Armie's hands tighten around Timmy before sliding down his arms to pull him closer. He parts from Timmy quickly to sigh, "Thank god," before tangling a hand in hair and kissing him deeply as he'd been dreaming of for years. When Timmy leans back to breathe, his fingers toying with the collar of Armie's shirt, he leans his forehead against his jaw. "I'm still technically married, there's a waiting time for it to be official," Armie mumbles, focusing on the feel of Timmy's curls brushing against his skin.

" _ Separated _ . From now on we say you're separated, okay?"

"Okay," Armie nods, kissing him when he leans back up. He bites his lip when Timmy smiles softly back at him. "I have kids."

"Oh my god, you-- you should have told me, how could I not have known?" Timmy mocks, kissing a path along his jaw.

"I just mean--"

"Armie, I  _ know _ , okay? I know it's complicated. I still want this," he says, holding his face and looking him in the eyes.

"Okay," Armie nods, letting his hands wander Timmy's back. "Okay, good," he repeats, leaning in to rest his head against him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally this had been the ending but i kept writing so... it's not over yet guys!


	10. we were made for each other

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (lyrics from MFEO again)   
> pls read the end notes !

"I wanted to tell you so bad that day," Armie says quietly, his fingers tracing over Timmy's back as they sit on the couch. Timmy looks up with a small confused smile, his head resting against Armie's shoulder. "You said you loved me and at first all I thought was  _ this is it, I can finally say it. _ And then you said you weren't anymore and… I was going to tell you about the divorce at lunch and in that moment I completely forgot. I was frozen, you kept saying I didn't care and it didn't mean anything and I just sat there thinking,  _ god I missed my chance. _ By the time you stopped talking I felt like I was going to throw up and talking about the divorce seemed so… I don't know. Like saying it wouldn't change anything." Timmy pulls himself closer and kisses Armie's shoulder to comfort him.

"I didn't think this was a possibility," he says, and Armie nods, rubs his spine. "You really thought I was over you?"

"You  _ said _ you were!" Armie looks at him, hand frozen, expression exasperated.

"Well--"

"No, no no. You said you were over it and I was so blindsided by it all there was no way I would have really been able to do anything but joke and pretend it wasn't killing me. Clearing the air was not an option."

"Jesus, Armie," Timmy shakes his head, settles against Armie, worries his lip between his teeth.

"Nick told me to tell you on this trip," Armie says quietly, the confession causing Timmy to stir once more with a question in his eyes. "I was going to play it by ear, I guess. That first day if things went well and you responded well to the divorce news…"

"You would have told me you loved me?" Armie shrugs. "You should have," he says, lifting a hand to stroke Armie's cheek.

"I didn't know it'd be reciprocated."

"Did you really not think I felt the same?"

Armie smiles softly and shrugs as he lifts a hand to cover Timmy's. "I don't know. I was always getting mixed signals from you and especially lately, you asked about Elizabeth so much and god,  _ you _ were the one that backed off and kept your distance. How was I supposed to know?" When he's done, Timmy's hand is held in his, their fingers twisting together as Armie watches.

"If I'd just told you back then instead of pulling away…"

"Don't," Armie shakes his head. "The what-ifs will kill you." Timmy looks at him and sighs sadly.

"I hate this. I ruined everything by loving you how is that even possible?"

"You ruined  _ nothing _ ," Armie says, pulling Timmy's arm around him so they're closer and lifts his face to kiss his lips in three short successions, lingering on the last for just a moment.

"I shouldn't have been so insistent this week," Timmy groans. "Would you have told me if I hadn't been so stubborn about  _ not  _ loving you? If I just let the confession hang in the air?" Armie bites his lip and taps lightly against Timmy's jaw with his fingers.

"Probably."

"I  _ ruined _ it!" Timmy groans, sinking against the couch dramatically, his eyes cast towards Armie who reaches over and tickles his side to lighten the mood. Timmy grabs at his hands and attempts to glare at him, though his face is soon overtaken by a grin.

"I'm glad it happened this way," Armie says, running a hand over Timmy's heart. "It gave me time to figure out if I was really ready to do this. I mean, I thought I was. But after grappling with the very real possibility that we would never be able to go back to being friends? Knowing I had one shot and that would be it either way, you either would be with me or we would probably stop talking… knowing that and still knowing I couldn’t live my life always wondering what if, now I  _ know _ ." Timmy nods slowly and traces Armie's hand on his chest.

"So we're really doing this, then?" Timmy asks in wonder. Armie smiles at him and leans down to kiss him, getting caught up for a moment now that he can truly let go. Timmy’s hands find his hair and he sighs as the strands get pulled, Armie’s hands pressing more insistent against Timmy’s shoulders, neck, chest. "Armie?" he hums against Timmy, lingering near his jaw. "You're crushing my leg." Armie pulls back abruptly, looking down and laughing a bit as he readjusts, throwing himself against the couch near Timmy with an eye roll as he crosses his arms.

"I thought you were going to be romantic or some shit," Armie mutters, glancing over. "Way to ruin the mood."

"Oh come on," Timmy laughs, pulling at his arms before giving up and shifting so he can straddle his lap. "I was just teasing," he smirks, leaning down to kiss his lips. Armie drops his hands to Timmy's thighs and shakes his head, a fond smile blooming on his lips. Somehow, the small exchange is exactly what he needed to reassure himself that things wouldn't change  _ that _ much between them. "I love you," he says against his lips.

"Yeah, yeah," Armie mumbles, his grip tightening slightly. "I love you, too, you goose."

"So where's this apartment of yours? Do I get to see it?"

"I'll do you one better, you can have a key," Armie says against his jaw. "If you want it, that is." He kisses his way back up to Timmy's lips and nips at him, teasing until Timmy caves and holds the back of his head to keep him still for a proper kiss.

"I can't believe Armie Hammer is giving me a key to his place," Timmy murmurs, his hands trailing down to rest on Armie's chest.

"Okay, hold on. If you're just going to tease me--"

"I'm not," Timmy laughs softly, leaning his forehead against Armie's with a smile. "I'm actually not this time. I really can't believe it.  _ Yes _ I want the key, you can keep the spare I gave you to here," Timmy tells him, his lips brushing against Armie's as he talks.

"It's not moving too fast?" Armie asks, a little too aware of how long it's been since he dated anyone.

"Armie," Timmy groans, shaking his head. "I think it's safe to say this is not moving too fast. Moving too fast would have happened years ago." Armie thinks on his words for a moment before sighing. He leans in to kiss him, lifting him to shift so he's underneath Armie's body on the couch. His nose skims along Timmy's neck and Armie finds the more he tries to talk about logistics, the more restless Timmy becomes, until he holds his face in his hands and says,  _ "Armie, for the love of god, kiss me." _

They stop talking for quite some time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok ,,, i do not know what is happening lmfao   
> i have written more for this but idk if i want it to be a lil epilogue or something.. else. so for now the chapter count is staying at 10 BUT IT IS NOT OVER OKAY so keep an eye out and bookmark/subscribe so whatever happens with it you'll get the notification when i update next. It's a logistical thing right now and i just need to figure out what works best for the fic and how much im willing/inspired to keep writing for it. 
> 
> Yall have been incredible, seriously so incredible. thank you for reading along and for all your messages and comments-- I love them so much and i reread them often. Yall are the best <3

**Author's Note:**

> What do you think?! I've been toying with this idea for 3 months now and haven't gotten around to finishing it yet, but I've been continually obsessed with this concept and style for writing them. It's still a work in progress, but enough is written and it's not going to be /that/ long so I'm thinking the updates will be pretty frequent, especially since these chapters are overall a little shorter than what I normally produce for multi fics. Feedback is appreciated!


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